The Chainsmokers - Memories... Do Not Open

The Chainsmokers
Memories... Do Not Open
2017
Spotify

Let me toot my own horn for a minute. I was on The Chainsmokers long before the superstardom they are experiencing now, from their early indie house remixes of bands like Smallpools and Anna of the North. They were great, "#SELFIE" was a great up yours to nearly everyone and "Roses" took them to an entirely new level. All of those successes were because they took really solid progressive house and blended it in to something club and radio ready. So what the fuck has happened? Because everything, or mostly everything, they have done has been successful perhaps they think they are bulletproof, or a band rather than DJs, I assure you they are not. Let's start with the vocals, Drew Taggart just really cannot sing. Whether a cash grab or a real hope at a pop star career someone somewhere told him He should sing and it was their biggest mistake. He occasionally writes a nice lyrics, but his voice makes it impossible to enjoy them. It's almost like they are trying to create a new genre which I shall deem Emo-DM. On Memories... Do Not Open Every single song takes this approach of almost singer-song writer verse, Electronic build bridge and then EDM/House drop chorus. All of these songs sound so similar and at times they even plagiarize themselves. The end of "Paris" is literally ripped from one of their earlier singles "Waterbed" and "Something Like This" lifts a piano line from "Roses". We are spared Taggart's vocals on "Don't Say" and instead only have the third silent member of the smokers circle Emily Warren. It's one of the better tracks but sounds so much like everything else that you can't help but shake your head.

Perhaps The Chainsmokers are trying to become the DJs of the Alternative set with their collaboration with Coldplay, but i just don't know why. Everything on Memories... Do Not Open is so fucking vanilla and boring that the thumb to the world Chainsmokers of old seem to be totally gone. Next thing we know they will do a PSA about not smoking, change their name and the transformation will be complete. I don't know if they think using these recycled hooks is pulling one over on us or if the general pop just doesn't give a shit, but either way it shows a real disdain for their audience and their scrutiny. "It Won't Kill Ya" is some kind of attempt at putting dub-step in a pop song, and it is just awful. With the amount of money clearly dumped into this record with production (32 different writers) and marketing you would at least expect the production to be absolutely stellar, but it ends up being just ok. A song like "Paris" had a chance to be good, but Drew's singing and lifting from an older song blows all credibility right out of the water. Jhene Aiko can't even make her feature cool, which is quite the feat for one of the coolest people out there and the Florida Georgia Line power ballad "Last Day Alive" really, and I mean really, sucks. My hope for you dear reader is you never have to hear any of these songs, but the radio is going to make sure that doesn't happen. Good luck out there fam.

3.1 out of 10